


Steven Universe: The Movie: The Fandub

by nastylittleman



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, pls dont take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 06:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21405946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nastylittleman/pseuds/nastylittleman
Summary: Spinel turned around, now facing the terrified Beach City below, and began to shout, her voice booming through the makeshift megaphone.“YEAH, I’VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!” she yelled, straightening her posture. “STEVEN UNIVERSE IS A BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!”(Based off a tumblr post from badficniverse)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 65





	Steven Universe: The Movie: The Fandub

Steven hopped off the teleporter, landing on the grass below him with a soft ‘thud’. He had just returned from Homeworld, having finally broadcasted his message of peace across the universe, with the help of the Diamonds. He was just relieved it had all went well- he had been practising in front of his mirror for weeks! Of course, the Diamonds’ negative reaction to him refusing to live on Homeworld had been expected, but they would just have to put up with it. Besides, he had told them countless times that they could visit whenever they wanted to!  
  
He adjusted the cuffs on his organic pink jacket, which had been a gift from Connie when he had turned 16. That was a few months ago, and Steven had taken the utmost care in making sure it never got damaged.  
  
Not that there was really anything that _could_ damage it, of course. He, along with the rest of the Crystal Gems, hadn’t had to fight in nearly two years.   
  
“Hey, Steven!” he heard Amethyst call out. He looked up, and saw her waving at him from across the hill near the lighthouse. “Over here!”  
  
Steven smiled and waved back, before jogging over to where she was sitting, alongside Pearl and Garnet.   
  
“Hey guys!” he greeted, plopping himself down on the ground next to where Garnet was laying.   
  
“How’d it go with the Diamonds?” Pearl asked, picking a small, pink flower from the ground and gently rolling it in her fingers, watching as the petals moved in the cool breeze. Steven beamed.  
  
“It went really well!” he replied. “Though, they want me to stay with them on Homeworld.”  
  
Amethyst flicked a few stray strands of hair out of her face. “And? What’d you say?” she asked in an amused tone.   
  
The boy chuckled. “I said no, of course.” he replied, rubbing his neck. “I know they mean well, but…” He sighed. Garnet turned her head to face him.  
  
“But what?”  
  
Another sigh.  
  
“I can’t help but feel like they still think I’m Mum.” Steven lifted up his shirt to look at his glistening gem, before furrowing his brow and sliding it back down. “I keep having to remind them that I’m not her, and it’s…” he paused, before laying down, watching as the sun started to slowly descend. “... Kinda disheartening, y’know?” The Crystal Gems nodded solemnly.   
  
“Give them time, Steven.” Pearl reassured, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. “They’ll grow out of it, I’m sure.” Steven looked up at her.  
  
“... You think so?”  
  
Pearl nodded. “I know so.”  
  
Steven sighed, and looked back at the sunset. The Beach City sunsets were always so beautiful. Sure, he loved how the dim, orange light illuminated past the tall buildings in Empire City, but it just didn’t beat the beach.  
  
He closed his eyes, listening to the gentle crashing of the waves from the ocean below them. He inhaled, the sweet smell of the grass mixing in with the saltiness from the beach.   
  
“Man, this is the _life!_” Amethyst remarked. Steven opened his eye just a crack and saw that Amethyst was also laying down, her eyes closed, and her head rested on Pearl’s leg. He smiled, his face warm.  
  
“... Yeah, it is.”  
  
He loved the peace. He loved not having to worry about which Gem would try to kill him due to his mother’s own undoings. He loved not having to constantly worry about his friend’s safety, or his own.   
  
He loved being free.  
  
He wanted everything to stay _exactly_ like this, and never change.  
  
“How’s the future look, Garnet?” he asked, opening both his eyes and turning slightly towards the fusion. “Do we all stay like just like this forever?”  
  
Garnet, who had also been watching the sunset, beamed, and adjusted her visor. She briefly looked through all the likely outcomes, before frowning. It was a frown Steven hadn’t seen in two years.   
  
_“... No.”_   
  
Stevens heart sank.  
  
“Wh-”  
  
He was interrupted by a sudden gust of wind blowing over the hill. He, along with the other Crystal Gems, stood up, and watched as dark clouds filled the sky, covering what little left of the sun there was. An Injector was suddenly seen emerging from the clouds, and Steven hoped that this was a dream. He _prayed_ it was a dream. He pinched himself, and winced as pain shot up through his arm.   
  
_Oh, no._  
  
Before any of them knew it, all four limbs of the Injector had been dug deep into the sides of the hill, its drillbit pointed directly at the group. Steven was terrified. This wasn’t supposed to happen!  
  
He took a step back, and heard a small voice shout out.  
  
_“Hey! Are you Steven Universe?!”_ it shrieked. Steven felt like he was going to throw up.  
  
“U-Uh… Yeah?” He looked up, and saw a dark figure standing at the top of the Injector, no doubt a Gem.   
  
_“Perfect!”_  
  
She stood closer to the edge, and Spinel revealed herself, in all her glory. She held a pinky out, and Steven watched in horror as the digit stretched and coiled into an almost comically large megaphone. Spinel turned around, now facing the terrified Beach City below, and began to shout, her voice booming through the makeshift megaphone.   
  
“_YEAH, I’VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!_” she yelled, straightening her posture. “_STEVEN UNIVERSE IS A BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!_”  
  
Steven blinked, relaxing his body slightly.   
  
… What?  
  
“_HIS MUM PISSED ON MY FUCKING HOPES AND DREAMS! SHE LEFT ME IN HER PINK FUCKIN’ GARDEN, AND SAID “stand very still”, AND I SAID OK, SO STEVEN,_” Spinel whipped her head around a complete one-eighty, before her body followed suit, making the boy jump. “_YOU HAVE A SMALL DICK, IT’S THE SIZE OF A PEBBLE EXCEPT WAAAAY SMALLER!_”  
  
The Crystal Gems looked forward at the feral Gem in terror, except Amethyst, who was laughing hysterically.  
  
“_HIS MUM FUCKING PISSED ON MY HOPES AND DREAMS, SO GUESS WHAT?! I’M GONNA PISS ON THE EARTH!_”  
  
Spinel blew into her megaphone, which emitted a horrid, low rumbling sound. Suddenly, the Injector began to shake, before the drillbit started to descend right above Steven, who was too confused to move. Something about what this Gem was saying sounded… Hauntingly familiar. Luckily, Amethyst was able to use her whip to lasso Steven and pull him to safety, just as the drillbit penetrated the ground. Spinel cackled maniacally.  
  
“_That’s right, this is what you get!_” she taunted. “_MY SUPER TOXIC PISS!!!_”  
  
The Crystal Gems watched in horror as the Injector began pumping copious amounts of toxic liquid into the earth. The grass around it began to turn grey and dried-out, almost like it had been sprayed with weed killer.  
  
“Wh-What are you doing?!” Steven shrieked, pulling out his shield.   
  
“_I’M PISSING ON YOUR EARTH!_” she replied, laughing, before pulling out her Gem Rejuvenator and jumping down. “_How do you like THAT, Steven Universe?? I PISSED ON YOUR EARTH, YOU IDIOT!!_”  
  
Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst began to attack the malevolent Gem, though their attacks soon proved to be fruitless, as Spinel easily poofed them with her weapon without so much as a second thought.   
  
“Guys!” Steven called out in a panic, rushing over to their gems.   
  
That was it. He _had_ to stop her.  
  
Spinel lunged at him with her Rejuvenator, and Steven winced as he felt the blade go through his skin, which began to vibrate for a moment, before stopping. That was… Uncomfortable.  
  
He watched as Spinel raised an eyebrow, slashing the blade across him over and over again, each time feeling more uncomfortable than the last. She grunted in frustration, before lunging at him again, though this time, Steven was able to grab a hold of the hilt, holding her back.   
  
“What do you _want_ from me?!” he shrieked, struggling to hold back the pink Gem, who simply laughed in response.  
  
“_You have forty-one hours before the piss drrrrrroplets destroy the fucking Earth!_” Spinel cackled. “_NOW GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT BEFORE I PISS ON YOU, TOO!_”  
  
Steven, seeing his chance, grabbed the Rejuvenator out of a distracted Spinel’s hands and, without hesitation, sliced her in half, watching as she staggered back, before poofing, her large gem clattering to the ground.   
  
Steven sighed in exhaustion, setting the weapon aside for now, and looked at Spinel’s gem for a moment, before looking up at the Injector, and once more to the heart-shaped gem, before collapsing on his knees.  
  
“... What the fuck.”  



End file.
